|
| A Southern Boy was stopped by a game warden in Ellijay Georgia recently
with two ice chests full of fish. He was leavin' a cove well-known for its
fishing.
The game warden asked the man, 'Do you have a license to catch those fish?'
'Naw, sir', replied the Southern Boy. 'I ain't got none of them there
licenses. You must understand, these here are my pet fish.'
'Pet fish?'
'Yeah. Every night, I take these here fish down to the lake and let 'em
swim 'round for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into
these here ice chests and I take 'em home.'
'That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that.'
The Southern Boy looked at the warden for a moment and then said, 'It's the
truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works.'
'O. K.', said the warden. 'I've got to see this!'
The Southern Boy poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the warden says, 'Well?'
'Well, what?', says the Southern Boy.
The warden says, 'When are you going to call them back?'
'Call who back?'
'The FISH', replied the warden!
'What fish?’ replied the Southern Boy.
..
Moral of the story: We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we
ain't as dumb as some government employees.
You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone
retiring and moving north. | | |
|
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn! With my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's"; more "I'm sorry's."
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it. live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
Instead; let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.
Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with, and what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, and emotionally. I hope you have a blessed day | | |
|  DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
 OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
 GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
(Perhaps this is where the expression "a face only a mother could love" came about.)
 COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
 ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road
 JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
(Now who's the chicken here, John?)
 NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
(Could you imagine waking up next to her-----shutter)
 PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
 MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
 DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
 ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.
(Now, those are some uplifting thoughts.)
 JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that. (And they say Arabs are scary.......please.)
 GRANDPA JONES:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
(Grandpa Jones seems to be the brightest one in the bunch.)
 BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
 JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
 ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
 BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^<>C% ........ reboot.
 ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
 BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
 AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!
 COLONEL SANDERS (KFC):
Did I miss one?
(Spoken like a true Corporate CEO)
 DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?
(Yes, Dick that seems to be your answer to everything.)
  Rev. AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens!
(Let it gooooooooooo Al.)
| | |
| I got this by e-mail and I wanted to share Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because
they
haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't
know it
was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.
I got to thinking one day about all those people on the Titanic who
passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut
back.
From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible.
How many women out there will eat at home because their husband
didn't
suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed?
Does
the word "refrigeration" mean nothing to you?
How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while
you
watched 'Jeopardy' on television?
I cannot count the times I called my sister and said , "How about
going
to lunch in a half hour?" She would gas up and stammer, "I can't. I
have
clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known
yesterday, I
had a late breakfast, It looks like rain" And my personal favorite:
"It's Monday." She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch
together.
Because Americans cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule
our
headaches.. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to
ourselves
when all the conditions are perfect!
We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Steve
toilet-trained. We'll entertain when we replace the living-room
carpet.
We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of
college.
Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get
shorter,
and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning, we
awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of "I'm
going
to," "I plan on," and "Someday, when things are settled down a bit."
When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to
adventure
and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her
enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five
minutes,
and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Rollerblades
and
skip an elevator for a bungee cord.
My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream.
It's
just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a
spatula
and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the
car
and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way
home, I would have died happy.
Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to...not
something on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon and
had
only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would
you
say? ;And why are you waiting?
Make sure you read this to the end; you will understand why I sent
this
to you.
Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to
the
rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic
flight
or gazed at the sun into the fading night? Do you run through each
day
on the fly? When you ask "How are you?" Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred
chores
running through your head? Ever told your child, "We'll do it
tomorrow."
And in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch? Let a good
friendship die? Just call to say "Hi"?
When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened
gift....Thrown away.... Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the
music before the song is over.
It's National Friendship and FAMILY WEEK Show your friends how much
you
care. Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND. If it comes back
to
you, then you'll know you have a circle of friends.
To those I have sent this to... I cherish our friendship and
appreciate
all you do.
"Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we
might as well dance!"
This is so true!
We all need to slow down and take the time today, tomorrow may never
come! | | |
|
DR. PHIL:
OPRAH:
GEORGE W. BUSH:
COLIN POWELL:
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
JOHN KERRY:
NANCY GRACE:
PAT BUCHANAN:
MARTHA STEWART:
DR SEUSS:
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
JERRY FALWELL:
GRANDPA JONES:
BARBARA WALTERS:
JOHN LENNON:
ARISTOTLE:
BILL GATES:
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
BILL CLINTON:
AL GORE:
COLONEL SANDERS (KFC):
DICK CHENEY:
Rev. AL SHARPTON: